I surf a lot. The internet, that is. I like to read. Not just books, although I like those too. I like to read people's race reports, their training stories, stories of weight loss. Articles about training, nutrition, whatever. But lately...well, maybe not just lately....but lately more than usual, I have been comparing. I think about keeping up with Jane, and Sue, and Mary (names have been changed to protect the innocent). If Jane is doing intervals at XXX, shouldn't *I* be able to do those intervals?!? If Sue is putting out XXX watts, shouldn't *I* be able to hit those numbers?!? If Mary is training XXX hours/week at this point in the season, shouldn't *I* be doing that?!?! I find myself thinking that what I'm doing isn't good enough. Isn't fast enough. Isn't enough period.
Now some of this makes perfect sense when I think about it. I wasn't an athletic kid, so I don't have years of muscle memory to work from. Actually, until a handful of years ago, I wasn't even an athletic adult. Which is my long way of saying, I'm slow. So, yes, it takes me longer to do most of the activities I participate in than it takes most people. And I'm not as strong as a lot of the youngsters out there. Oh, yeah, did I also mention that I'm not getting any younger? And I'm not exactly built like an athlete. I am not lean, and my center of gravity...well...let's just say that it is rather low. I'd have no problem hiking a toddler onto my hip. If I had a toddler that is. But I digress.
I'm not making excuses. Really. I know that if I do the work, put in the time, PRs will come. I mean just look at last year. I did the work Coach put out there for me, consistently, and it paid off with PRs at every distance I raced. Sometimes I just want the work to magically transform me into an athlete. I want the magic workout that will have me super speedy, super strong, super flexible, super thin. All while being superly *not* injured, of course. (Yes, I know superly is not a word. I made it up. Sue me.)
Sometimes I just wonder....will I ever be satisfied? I know I should be looking at all that I've accomplished, and being proud of that. And I do. Some days, I just want....more. Or less. Depending on where I'm looking.
I guess, in a round about way, this post is all about me working on my mental game. Not letting what other people are doing stress me. I can only control myself. Appreciating myself as I am, flaws and all. Taking more of the positive and leaving the negative by the side of the road.