Monday, February 07, 2011

Keeping Up

I surf a lot. The internet, that is.  I like to read.  Not just books, although I like those too. I like to read people's race reports, their training stories, stories of weight loss.  Articles about training, nutrition, whatever.  But lately...well, maybe not just lately....but lately more than usual, I have been comparing.  I think about keeping up with Jane, and Sue, and Mary (names have been changed to protect the innocent).  If Jane is doing intervals at XXX, shouldn't *I* be able to do those intervals?!?  If Sue is putting out XXX watts, shouldn't *I* be able to hit those numbers?!?  If Mary is training XXX hours/week at this point in the season, shouldn't *I* be doing that?!?!  I find myself thinking that what I'm doing isn't good enough.  Isn't fast enough.  Isn't enough period.

Now some of this makes perfect sense when I think about it.  I wasn't an athletic kid, so I don't have years of muscle memory to work from.  Actually, until a handful of years ago, I wasn't even an athletic adult. Which is my long way of saying, I'm slow.  So, yes, it takes me longer to do most of the activities I participate in than it takes most people.  And I'm not as strong as a lot of the youngsters out there.  Oh, yeah, did I also mention that I'm not getting any younger? And I'm not exactly built like an athlete. I am not lean, and my center of gravity...well...let's just say that it is rather low.  I'd have no problem hiking a toddler onto my hip.  If I had a toddler that is.  But I digress.

I'm not making excuses.  Really.  I know that if I do the work, put in the time, PRs will come.  I mean just look at last year.  I did the work Coach put out there for me, consistently, and it paid off with PRs at every distance I raced.   Sometimes I just want the work to magically transform me into an athlete.  I want the magic workout that will have me super speedy, super strong, super flexible, super thin.  All while being superly *not* injured, of course.  (Yes, I know superly is not a word.  I made it up. Sue me.)

Sometimes I just wonder....will I ever be satisfied?  I know I should be looking at all that I've accomplished, and being proud of that.  And I do.  Some days, I just want....more.  Or less. Depending on where I'm looking.

I guess, in a round about way, this post is all about me working on my mental game.  Not letting what other people are doing stress me.  I can only control myself.  Appreciating myself as I am, flaws and all.  Taking more of the positive and leaving the negative by the side of the road.

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