Lackadaisical

Lackadaisical:  Lacking enthusiasm and determination.

Yes, I do believe I have been feeling lackadaisical for a couple of weeks now.

• Could it be turning the big 4-0?  Don't think so.  I don't feel 40.  I'm told I don't look 40 (but then, really, who tells you that you *do* look your age?).  It's just another number.  I know I certainly don't *act* 40.

• Could it be the rocky sleep lately?  Possibly.  Bam has been restless, and itchy...literally itchy.  And since I'm such a light sleeper, I wake up when she scratches, bites, licks, etc.  Oh, and when she goes out the dog door.  And comes back in the dog door.  And back out.  And back in. And back out....

• Could it be the work stress?  Maybe.  There's just a lot of upheaval at work, nothing new really.  Just more of the same.  A lot more.  With very slight variations.  And while I've been assured by my boss, and her boss, of my value as a member of the team, sometimes things just look different than they sound.  If that makes any sense.

• Could it be that we usually have a vacation on the books to look forward to by now?  And that we'd usually be *on* vacation in the next month or two?  Likely.  There's just something about having a trip booked.  The excitement of something different.  Some time away.  This year, it's not going to happen until spring most likely.  Jeff's has some projects going on at work that will keep us from taking time off this fall.

• Could it be the fantastically crappy long ride workouts I've had lately?  Likely.  My big "A" race is in less than two weeks.  I have set a very ambitious goal for myself.  A couple of them really.  Okay, maybe three.  *sigh*  Perhaps I'm putting just a bit too much pressure on myself.  This isn't my job after all.  It's supposed to be fun....remember?   Part of it is that I feel like I've worked pretty hard this year at getting stronger and I'd like for that to show in my time on race day.  But I feel like I've been stuck in a loop....crappy workout leads to negative thoughts....leads to crappy workout....etc.  I need to break my head out of the cycle.  But all my 'big' workouts are done.  Race day is in 11 days.  Yikes.

Anyway...I have some more ideas, thoughts, ponderings about this lackadaisical-ness.  But I've bitched and moaned enough.  It's time to let it go.  What's done...is done.  The bad, but the good too. 

I've had some long run sessions lately that have gone very well.  One of them, had I run another half of a mile, would have been a half marathon PR.   My races this year have gone pretty well too with quite a few PRs.  There's a lot to be proud of.  A lot of work that I can cash in on in 11 days.

Time to work on seeing the race I want to have.  Let the mind lead the body.  And really......just get out there and play!